Learnings from My First Solo Trip

I remember the first time I set out to solo travel, I was scared shitless.  

But there came a point when even that fear felt better to face than the idea of not traveling.  And that thought alone carried me into my first solo trip abroad.

Sometimes it just takes the perfect mixture of fear & courage to push you towards the best decision of your life.  At least that’s how it was for me.

Throughout college I was so focused on networking and not being “forgotten” and left behind by my contemporaries, that I didn’t spend much time traveling.  I didn’t even participate in a semester abroad program (which coincidentally is my biggest regret).  But fresh out of college, I decided it had been WAY. TOO. LONG. And I needed to get packing my bags soon or I might wither.  I know it’s not technically possible to die from lack of passport stamps, but sometimes it honestly felt that way.  Between the stress and frustration from work and the endless partying on the weekend, I needed an escape.  

My parents had given me some money to travel upon graduation, so all I needed were some traveling companions.  Which should be easy, right?

Wrong.  Everyone I asked either didn’t have the time off work or the money to do a trip right now.

So I waited and I waited….and I waited.

Becoming more and more unhappy in the meantime.  

And that’s when I realized – I needed to understand my needs from my wants.  Sure, it would have been great for a friend to come along.  But at the end of the day, I was responsible for my own happiness and if waiting another year for someone to be available to trail after me in Europe was going to make me this unhappy, I could always consider going alone.

So I called my [first] boss and nervously asked for two weeks off.  He said, sure, no problem.

That sounds fun, who you going with?

It’s funny how that is naturally one of the first questions that gets asked when you mention going on a trip.  This would be the first of many times I would answer….

Oh I’m just going by myself.

(Silence)

Really?  That is SO COOL.  Good for you Gabel.

And from that moment, a solo traveler was born.

The more I told people about my plans to travel solo, the more excited about it I became.  Every time I mentioned going alone, friends were first surprised and then impressed.  The smiles that would creep onto their face as they ruminated on the idea was empowering.  I’ve always liked doing things people wouldn’t expect of me…being a bit of an enigma, a puzzle they can’t quite figure out.  

Once I started saying it out loud, the decision became real and I settled into my commitment. I felt like I had unlocked the secret to bravery.

Now, of course, there was a naysayer here and there.  Mainly in the form of my parents sharing something an ignorant friend said.  My favorite was:

“Gerry, how can you let your daughter travel alone in Europe!?”

CRICKETS.

Let’s see. I’m a college graduate, with a job, making my own money.  Period.

So what started out as a last resort…a backup plan of sorts…suddenly started to feel exhilarating. I was going off on an adventure, all alone, in complete and utter control.  And I started honestly believing it was going to be an incredible trip even if I didn’t have travel companions.

I’ve talked about this before, but the power of belief is an incredible thing.  

The law of belief states that whatever you believe and feel to be true long enough, will become your reality.  Whatever you subconsciously feel to be true in your inner world (or thoughts) will eventually show up in your outer world (experience).

I really believed I was going to have an amazing trip and so I willed it into being.

From the moment I stepped off the plane, I felt an energy surging thru my veins that I’d never experienced before. It was like a switched had been turned on in me.  And I was determined to have a life-changing trip….even if it meant I had to leave my comfort zone to do it.  

A lifelong introvert, I suddenly found eager to strike up conversations with strangers in the hostel within moments of arriving.  Something the old Lauren would never do. It was as though I had morphed into someone new. But someone I liked.  Someone I wanted to emulate all the time.

With all the preconceived notions I had about myself left at LAX, Barcelona Lauren was ready to make this the best trip ever.  And that meant first, finding some friends.

I identified two other travelers who were by themselves and came up with a brilliant pickup line:

Hey, how’s it going. I’m Lauren.

Genius, right?  Don’t think you can go copying that.

The Indian traveler identified himself as Saurabh.  The Russian guy was Ivan.  

I then proceeded to ask them a number of getting-to-know-you-esque questions – where are you from, are you a student or do you work, how long have you been here, what have you done so far, etc.

I was surprised at how quickly everything flowed out and how neither of them seemed eager to leave to join their real friends.  Quite the contrary.  They too were happy to have someone to talk to.  That was my first realization that, just like being a freshmen in college – when you’re traveling, everyone else is looking for friends too.

Me with my new friends Saurabh & Ivan

 Not to say that making friends at home is always hard.  But making friends while traveling?  That’s usually a piece of cake.  Humans are generally social creatures and no one wants to spend their vacation alone. 

At least we 3 sure didn’t. Saurabh asked if we all wanted to go to dinner and I leaped at the opportunity.  We spent dinner continuing to get to know one another.  Well it was honestly more about me and Saurabh getting to know one another; as it turned out, Ivan didn’t speak much English.  Although we did manage to learn a few simple things about him.

But that’s another great thing that you quickly learn about travel – you can get across a lot without speaking the language.  When you haven’t done much travel, it’s easy to feel fearful – how can I read signs without speaking the language or how can I ask a local for help?  But you’ll quickly learn, there’s so much you can get across with nonverbal communication.  Plus, we all smile in the same language, and can enjoy drinks and dancing together! 

And so we, three, did just that.  We signed up for the hostel club crawl that evening.  

I would quickly learn that one of the biggest benefits of staying in hostels was the social atmosphere and the nightly hosted activities.  And on this particular night, the group was being led by a young British guy – around my age.  He was cute, had an accent, and as we began talking….we hit it off.  

Our threesome quickly became a four-some as Chris joined our team.  Chris & I spent the evening flirting—while I tried not to alienate or leave out my other new friends either.  After a night of dancing, drinking and general debauchery, I decided to call it a night shortly before the sun came up.  

Chris didn’t have to work until evening the next day, so he spent the morning and afternoon showing me all around Barcelona.  We talked all day long.  There wasn’t a moment of awkward silence or boredom at each other’s company.  It felt like he got me, and I got him.  Just as it’s easy to become fast friends when you travel, it’s also easy to fall hard…if you get what I mean!

We spent an amazing 3 days together until the time came for my flight to Paris.  He promised he would come visit LA and I said I’d try to come visit Barcelona again or elsewhere in Europe.  I actually cried the whole flight to Paris because I was sad to leave him. 

After a few weeks, his letters ceased and my heart hurt for a little while.  But it was a good lesson in love…sometimes vacation romances are only meant to be for a week, and that’s ok.  It doesn’t make them any less special.  

Paris was a different beast entirely.  This time I didn’t have a vacation boyfriend to show me around, so I had to learn to do things myself.  

Step 1….learn how to ride public transit.

Living in LA, I had never really taken public transit.  We drive everywhere in LA, even if it’s one block away.  It’s quite sad actually.  But that’s a rant for another day.

I’m not gonna lie, staring at the Paris metro ticket machine – all in French – was incredibly stressful at firest.  I had no idea what I was doing.  I would stare at the metro map for what felt like 20 minutes – finally figure out the right line & direction to take, only to get on the metro and immediately realize I had made the wrong choice.  How I managed to do this each and every time, is truly a feat.  

But after trying and failing, and more trying and failing….suddenly the failing was less stressful and I started being able to course correct faster.  And then I wasn’t failing at all, I was getting on the right train the first try.  A smile slowly spreading on my face with pride as I learned how to do the most basic of tasks.

When you’re traveling solo, you’re going to make mistakes—but you are also going to learn from them.  Being out of your element and not speaking the language is an exercise in self-sufficiency. You just have to keep reminding yourself that you’re more capable than you think you are and that takeaway is incredibly empowering.  

I had a lot more adventures and shenanigans on this first solo trip….but those are tales for another day and another blog post.

But I’ll leave you with this – I came home a new person after that first solo trip.  Someone who was a little bit less afraid, a little louder, a little more confident.  I know solo travel isn’t the obvious choice for us [former] introverts or perfectionists, but I am now the biggest advocate for it –seeing first hand what it can do for self-realization and growth.  Solo travel has the power to show you a different side of yourself…and often times it’s a side of yourself that was always trying to come to the surface, and just didn’t know how.  

So my advice to anyone considering solo travel – DO IT.  Push past your comfort zone, dive into new experiences, meet people from all over the world, learn what you’re capable of – and at the end of the trail, you might just find the real you. 

If you liked this post, I highly encourage you to check out my corresponding blog post on Infinite Embers, where I share 10 Rules to Get in the Solo Travel Mindset.  

And as always if you enjoyed this article or think it could help out a friend, please share it!